Dear Cardinal Consultants,
I’m a graduating senior this year, which means I’ll be leaving Lincoln soon. I’m beginning to drift from my identity as a high school student; I don’t know what to be next. This got me thinking, logistically speaking, what would be the optimal animal to turn into? I’m looking for versatility. You might be thinking: an otter, because it can exist both in and out of the water, or maybe, a swallow, since it migrates and you could visit all sorts of places! But to those I say nay. I want to become an insect. I’ll start out as a house fly, move onto a beetle, then a ladybug. I could even throw in a drone ant, if I’m feeling crazy! I figured since both the Cardinal Consultants are in the same boat as me—about to graduate—I’d get your opinion.
I hope to see you in the soil!
Sent from my iPhone
Dear Sent From my iPhone,
Do you have no loyalty to your alma mater? Once a Cardinal, always a Cardinal. Fly, perch on phone wires, eat nuts and seeds—talk about versatility. That color too! I’ve been told firetruck red really represents my personality. If you consider yourself a little more muted, try the desert Cardinal. I would even accept any bird in the Cardinalidae family—red, blue or yellow.
Do not mistake my school spirit for bug hate—I greatly appreciate all that bugs do for our planet!
If you want to help the planet and look good doing it, what about becoming a microscopic saprotrophic bacteria? You might be worried about the detritus, but if people can pretend to like blue cheese, I’m sure you’ll manage. Obviously expiration dates are more of a suggestion anyways.
I’d be careful about turning into a bug… at least around me. I recently had a run-in with an evil witch (the one that lives in the third floor conference room) and now I have a strange hankering for mealworms.
Sincerely,
Cardinal consultant #2
P.S. You have a really unique name!
Dear Sent From My Phone,
I’m confused. Are you not already a horse? Why did you neigh?
Cardinal Consultant #1
