Dear Cardinal Consultants,

I need your help! As of late, my teachers have been assigning homework like crazy. I have no time for friends, family or food! I can’t take a second to breathe between meetings and rehearsals. I feel overwhelmed. You all seem to have this whole school thing under control, so I’ve come to you. What should I do?

Love,

Extremely Stressed

Dear Extremely Stressed,

I think every high school student can relate to this question. It seems each day is a balancing act between homework, extracurricular activities, sports and a minimum of six hours on TikTok. By the end of the night, it’s hard to know where all the hours went. You have to take care of yourself! No amount of academic validation is worth ruining your mental health. I practice self care by periodically disappearing off the face of the earth. My go-to is a rural town in Appalachia, but you can go anywhere that requires a long hike through dense woods. Without cell service the Canvas notifications can’t get to you, and you will finally be free.

Good luck,

Cardinal Consultant #1

Dear Cardinal Consultants,

What’s your advice to students who are grandmas stuck in the bodies of 15-year-olds?

Thanks,

Grandma Sick of This Century

Dear Grandma Sick of This Century,

Boy do I relate to you! It’s so hard to connect with these darn teenagers doing the griddy down the hallway. Everytime I try to hit the griddy, I end up falling and I cannot get up. Don’t let fleeting trends dictate how you express yourself. What you need to do is get a Michaels rewards card and start some new hobbies—crocheting, knitting and scrapbooking. Then you can hide away in your doily filled house, listening to cooking shows on your 1980s transistor radio, and crochet your grandkids itchy sweaters and matching hat sets. 

Sincerely,

Cardinal Consultant #2