What happens when you pour a bowl of cereal into the freezer? Salt & Straw’s latest edition of its five-flavor monthly menu.
These new ice creams combine exorbitant prices with odd flavors that, from their website descriptions, seem intent on recapturing an adult staff member’s nostalgia for the cereals of their misspent youth. But from my own youthful perspective, they’re more nauseating than nostalgic.
Pots of Gold and Rainbows is vanilla ice cream with what may have been Lucky Charms in a former life. Now, however, they are sodden multicolor sugary lumps that aren’t “magically delicious.” This ice cream is a cereal offender.
Snap & Crackle Marshmallow Treats is vanilla ice cream with the unfortunate addition of Rice Krispies treats. The mix of crunchy and smooth is as weird as eating lollipops that you don’t know have gum inside. The Rice Krispies cereal mascot is a trio of creepy elves that I suspect cursed this flavor.
Peanut Butter Brownie Cereal Puffs is like eating raw peanut butter with ice cream on the side. A simple question determines whether this flavor is right for you: Have you ever eaten gobs of peanut butter straight from the jar and enjoyed it?
Concord Grape Nut Crumble ice cream is made with the tragically healthy cereal Grape Nuts, which aren’t grape-flavored, they’re just wheat-flavored gravel. Adding this cereal to grape ice cream is as misleading as putting delicious berries on cereal boxes when they aren’t included in the cereal. If you want to gaze longingly at your friend’s chocolate ice cream as you regret your choice, I recommend Concord Grape Nut Crumble.
Finally, Captain’s Berried Treasure is oatmilk coconut ice cream with freeze-dried berries and cereal squares. All of these tastes would be fine alone, but together they create an ick like the colors of the rainbow create brown. Arrgh! I fear vegan pirates were swindled.
The flavors are all bad in their own unique ways, but they have perks. The staff was courteous about my incessant sample requests. And the cereal series is ideal for little children hoping to consume the maximum amount of sugar and possibly have their tongues change color, so bring your little siblings, small
