Candy Bar Showdown


Gabe Rosenfeld and Anselmo Iturri rate the best candy bars on the market.

This list is a subjectively-ever compiled list of our official candy bar rankings. Leave a comment below about what you agree or disagree with.

  • Snickers: Packaging-it’s really basic, self-explanatory. Great branding. Great presentation of the bar itself. Upon breaking it in half, it looks super dry. Pretty middle-of-the-road bar. Nothing too special, really sugary. Never craved a Snickers bar. However, the flavor is pretty good, a nice blend of nut, chocolate and caramel. It’s your dad’s favorite candy bar. 6/10
  • Milky Way: The packaging is kind of gross. Huge bar; it looks like if a bar was a gas station. It looks like a fat fudge finger. It resembles dehydrated ice cream inside. The nougat filling is good but kinda strange. It required a lot of chewing. Overall, not a real memorable bar. 3/10
  • Baby Ruth: The packaging is beautiful, but tt’s reminiscent of Caddyshack lol. Tastes like an attic. Disgusting. Too sweet– like a Milky Way with peanuts but worse. Gross. We felt awful the moment it started chewing. At least it looks nice. The sweetness is overpowering and has a permeating aftertaste which won’t go away. NOT GOOD. 1/10
  • Butterfinger: Best packaging of all, and the bar itself is presentable. It smells great and the crunchy inside looks like wood. Its texture is like compacted sawdust, although it tastes good. Gets stuck in your teeth– however, it tastes amazing. The filling perfectly contrasts the chocolate. Enjoyable experience. 8/10
  • Twix: Mediocre packaging. The process of the bite is fantastic because you get the slightly soft, the crunchy and the very soft. Taste is good, and its three components complement well. 6/10
  • AlmondJoy: Packaging has pretty nice colors. Refreshing, light candy bar. The coconut is cold. Just like holding your hand out the window on the highway on a hot summer day. AWESOME!!! It’s your grandpa’s favorite, that’s kind of growing on you. 9/10
  • Payday: the bar itself looks like garbage. It tastes like a smell. Awful. It’s so salty. It’s like a really dusty gross antique store but a candy bar. 2/10
  • 100 Grand: Looks vintage. The bar itself looks gross. The cross-section is NASTY. It tastes really good though, like a Crunch Bar with caramel in it. The aftertaste and after-texture are great. Overall really good. REALLY CHEWY, but a GOD-TIER LEVEL BAR. 10/10
  • Reese’s Nutrageous: Packaging is cool, I guess. Like a Payday with chocolate on it. Literal peanuts inside, not even actual Reese’s filling. Anselmo likes it; Gabe and Archie don’t. The texture is awful. 7/10


Conclusion: At the end of this process we ate way too much sugar. We don’t like candy bars anymore, never again. We feel so gross. We thought this would be way more fun. DON’T DO THIS. BAD IDEA. Even one candy bar is a lot, but ten are too much. I’m dying. I might never eat again.